It’s All the Aliens’ Fault

As for our central banks’ defaulting on their lines of credit with the Martian Central Bank–that’s another alien intervention we’ll live to regret.

I hope this won’t shock the more sensitive readers too greatly, but I’ve discovered undeniable evidence that all our planet’s problems are the result of alien intervention. Yes, aliens exist and are actively intervening in humanity’s activities, to our great detriment.

Wars, plagues, The Illuminati, the World Economic Forum, the Great Reset, locust swarms, mega-droughts, endless spam, robo-calls, strange lights, billionaires’ cupidity, Windows 11, iOS 15, the futility of trying to reach the IRS by phone, the astounding rise of irrationality, that weird feeling of being watched and the grotesque decline of entertainment– all are the fault of the aliens.

Through means which must remain secret for your own security, I have learned that our entire planet is the site of a multi-player game for alien teens. It seems points are scored by creating mass mayhem as indirectly as possible. This explains quite a bit about our current state of affairs.

Rather than suppress the young rascals ruining our fair planet, the alien elders view the mayhem on Earth as entertainment. Earth Mayhem is reportedly a popular channel in their galactic amusement menu. They apparently take great delight in our blindness to what they see as painfully obvious interventions.

I know it’s not much solace, but the game prohibits direct strikes by meteors and death rays from alien vessels. The highest scores are apparently given to nudging mayhem from mere potential to mass manifestation. The alien youth reportedly find it extremely amusing to make use of human greed, credulity and rapaciousness.

Masters of our own fate: sorry, no. We are the curiously prideful playthings of mocking teens with way too much time and power on their hands. We’re doomed unless the Gamesters of Triskelion or other alien gamers take pity on us and free us from the terrible grasp of alien teen gamers.

As for our central banks’ defaulting on their lines of credit with the Martian Central Bank–that’s another alien intervention we’ll live to regret.